My 52-Weekly Journal: Week 09 // 2016

2016 is stupid.

This is personal. This isn’t me trying to write fancy, enjoyably flowing stories like I’d been doing a few times past, (soooo, first-time visitors, please check my other posts, I’m not usually this bad, hehehe) this isn’t even about how amazing my year was, this is just me complaining. This is not a post about how I am grateful to have lived another year, and how much I have grown this year. This is me against 2016.

But what makes your 2016 so bad?”

I’ll tell you what’s bad.

Right off the bat, the start of January 2016. The girl I’m nauseatingly in love with (and trust me, I don’t love people, so coming from me this is saying a lot) got engaged with his boyfriend. It was a nice, new-year’s eve “will you marry me?” and all that cheesy stuff. I still think that his boyfriend (now husband, dammit) was kinda lame tho, I mean, who doesn’t bring a ring to a proposal?

— On the bright side though, she was also my best friend; and I’ve been in love with her for the past two years, restricting me from being emotionally available for just about anyone in my adult life. So when I saw her up at the altar on her wedding day, I had the closure that I needed. We also started trying to be friends again since we kinda had a falling out after I did something terribly stupid (not gonna explain, you are welcome to guess tho) earlier this day. Oh how I miss talking normally to her, with a world of our own.

Wait, I didn’t write this for bright sides, I’m here to complain! Okay so here we go again.

Another friend of mine, whom I also hold dearly, fell into depression and is at his worst in the beginning of 2016. He was a lost cause, totally cutting himself from the world, he even lost a lot of weight and losing himself his usual chubby friendly figure. But then somewhen in May he got normal. We were joyful! He was back! Oh how we loved him. For a minute there we thought everything was going to be back to normal, that brighter days are coming, only to be hit with the fact that he was not, in fact, back to normal.

It was just a momentarily moment of normal-ness, a prelude of what’s coming. It’s just the beginning of his manic phase.

Yes, as it turned out, he had a latent Bipolar Disorder that manifested just this year. His hypomanic phase was easier to handle really. I was there, from the start to the end. It was tough reaching out to him then, and frankly emotionally draining but I managed to do it anyway. But man his manic episode was simply awful. He picked fight with everyone, even family, he got on everyone’s nerve, everybody hate him! And what’s worse: he didn’t see anything wrong with it. I let him be. He attacked me and I was fine, he wrecked havoc and it was okay with me, but he hurt someone I care about and finally I exploded. I lost him. I couldn’t stay by his side anymore, I wasn’t emotionally capable of handling another tantrum other than my own, so I left him. To be honest, it’s still eating me inside, what kind of friend am I who leave a friend when he needs one by his side the most?

— As it turns out, I have much more time with myself. I left social medias since I lost him and I realized how addicted I had been to such an unreal form of interactions. The withdrawal symptoms were awful; with long, lonely hours resisting to relieve myself in the confinement of that 5 inch screen. But I bear through it, I put my headset on, turn the music up, and go out to my long-forgotten sanctuary: bookstore. There was a period of time when I, to my shame, didn’t even read one book. But now that I have so much more time, I got back to them, and I again find enjoyment in the world created by other people. And since I started to read, I was ticked to start writing again, and I love it.

— I also get to know my other friends personally. You see after I had my falling out with him, I left most of my group chats. I was so fed up that I couldn’t bear seeing him talking in those group chats, I could’ve kicked him out (as I had admin rights in those groups) but I figured he may need them more than I do as he was going through such a difficult time; while I, on the other hand, was used to walking alone. So I left. Now here’s the thing about group chats: it’s always chatty, rowdy, and fun but there’s usually someone there who’s not engaged and forgotten. It couldn’t happen in personal chats, so that’s what I do right now, I miss someone, I chat ’em, meet ’em, and engage a more intimate talk with ’em. This actually is more fulfilling.

BUT HOW CAN YOU LET ME SAY GOOD THINGS ABOUT 2016 AGAIN??? I WAS HERE TO RAMBLE ABOUT HOW BAD 2016 WAS!!!

Ugh, okay how about this, even Hollywood (and by saying “Hollywood”, I’m just generalizing the movie industry, it’s too much of a pain to write it otherwise) suffers a great deal, 2016 is the year when many of my favorite actors died! Professor Snape, Dracula/Count Doku/Saruman (I honestly can’t decide which version of him I like most, he’s just too amazing), even General Leia Organa is gone to name the few of many!

— Buuuut, it’s not like Hollywood didn’t give life to a lot of amazing things this year: La La  Land was delightful, Zootopia was a pleasant surprise (nobody expected it to be THAT good), Deadpool and Doctor Strange gives a fresh taste of Marvel Cinematic Universe, Rogue One IS SO AWESOME THAT IT’S OFFICIALLY MY FAVORITE OF THE PREQUELS, ahem, and best of all is probably how Newt Scamander is opening the gate to the magical realm, again.

(There’s of course a lot of good movies this year, I’m just naming a few, don’t you give me that look if you couldn’t find your favorite movie there!)

No, no, no, I am here to complain! Okay, about work! I am stuck in this boring job which repeat itself every month over and over and over again and I feel like my brain is dead because it’s not learning anything new for the past year! Ha! — Well actually I got a raise midyear in the middle of this job recession (well honestly, if I leave they would be in so much trouble so a raise is the least they can do to keep me happy)  so that’s kinda nice, oh and I got used to my work so now I can do it faster and I have time for other things.

BUT NO!

I AM HERE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT HOW 2016 SUCKS LIKE HOW THE REST OF THE WORLD IS LOOKING AT IT! I AM HERE TO CONFORM THEIR VIEW SO I CAN BE ACCEPTED!

2016 IS……..

2016 is….

2016 is just another year. Bad things happened and so did the good ones. The world just indifferently revolves another lap across the sun. What may be different is how the people on it live and perceive it, and that depends heavily on the people themselves.

Well, it actually turns out to be a post about how grateful I am to have lived another year, and how much I’ve grown this year. Hahaha. 😀 Oh well if you read it up to this point then that means I get to fool you to thinking that it isn’t, or do I?

Anyway HAPPY NEW YEAR from me! Nonetheless, 2016 was still a tough year for me, and there’s no wrong to always have HOPE (after all it’s that little bit of hope that allows the destruction of the death star, no? How awesome was Rogue One again?) that things will get better, in 2017 that is.

Hope to see you a lot more this year! 🙂

***

p.s.: Featured image is credit to Nick Seluk who created and owned it, he’s done some amazing job on other drawings too, you can check out his work here. Thanks!

Advertisements

4 thoughts on “My 52-Weekly Journal: Week 09 // 2016

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s